even my farts smell like vagina
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
