Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
