okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
