well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
