Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
did i walk over a car last night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
