Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
