No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
