Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
