I hate your face
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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