just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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