my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize