Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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