I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize