look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
