did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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