I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
