the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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