I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize