can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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