Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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