The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
