Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
