i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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