so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
