...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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