so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
