So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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