this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
