I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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