I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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