Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
