isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
