I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
