She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
