Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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