I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
