you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
