I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
