Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
