I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
