Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
