Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize