Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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