We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
