planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize