I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize