if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
