Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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