we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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