I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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