i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
