Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
