i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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