i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize