SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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