we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
