Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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