this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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