Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
