I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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