So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
