i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
