I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
