I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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