You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
