My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
