a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
