I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The air taste purple.
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