when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
