u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
