walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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