Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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