dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
