dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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