Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
