Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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