filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
