he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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