College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
